Before meeting Chris, I was in a “not sure if we’re dating or just talking” phase in my dating life. I was talking to several guys but nothing got serious. The older I got, the more I dreaded going home to see my family. They would always ask, “when are you getting married” and “when are you going to give your parents some grandkids?” My last serious relationship before moving to Dallas ended badly and I was in the stage of trying to find out who I was. He really broke me down and made me feel like I wasn’t good enough to receive love. I think the breakup happened at a great time because I soon would be moving to a new city with a new start. I started grad school, was working and was preparing to join the greatest Sorority on this side of heaven. Things were looking up for me! I was making new friends in my new city. My professional and social lives were blossoming but my love life was up in the air. I thought that I was a decent catch; an independent woman with no kids, so finding someone to match my vibe should be easy, right?!?! Ha! The joke was on me because it didn’t happen as I had imagined it. I had all of these plans and thought that I had my life figured out.

I ended up getting into another relationship that attacked my worth. However, many didn’t know that it was an ABUSIVE one. I thought that I would marry this guy, but he continued to show me that he wasn’t the one for me. I’m naturally a nurturer and try to help anyone that I can. I can honestly say that my problem was trying to make everyone “my forever,” when I think they were sent to be “my right now.” I often dated the potential of people and didn’t pay attention to who they were actually showing themselves to be. WHY DIDN’T I PAY ATTENTION TO THE SIGNS?!?? Well, this person took advantage of my kind heart and I began to take care of him like he was my child. Looking back at it now, I don’t know who THAT Woman was. I used to look in the mirror trying to figure out where I went wrong. Why do I love this person when all he does is take, take, take? Why am I so easily giving of myself, and not fighting for it in return? Lord, I think that was my lowest point and when I was the heaviest (I didn’t have any real friends to tell me about my weight lol). The funny thing is, I didn’t feel like I was at my lowest and that I wasn’t attractive. He had a way of making me feel like I was the only woman in the room.

Things shifted when I got tired of struggling and being the only one trying to make it work. When that happened, the abuse became his only weapon. I will never forget the day that he put my car keys in the freezer (to hide them) because he didn’t want me to leave. That was the day that my ankle was broken and I lied to my mom (sorry mom), telling her that I fell on the treadmill. I was still trying to protect the person that continued to drag me and made me feel empty. This is so hard to write because the emotions feel so fresh. I don’t know who was praying for me around that time (probably my mommi), but I thank you because I left that situation and never turned back! After changing the locks and threatening to call the cops, my abuser slowly disappeared out of my life. No one knew about this and many will be shocked to learn that I went through both mental and physical abuse. I was the Queen of putting on a mask and hiding my emotions.

Writer: Mrs. Robinson
Editor: Mr. Robinson